Things I have learned
I am not a "reader." In fact, I think I made it to my college years with only a handful of books read. Within the past 3 months, I have read 5 books and working on my sixth. Most of them deal with grief and most of them are written by mothers. I am amazed at how my feelings can be described so well in some of these books. Some of the emotions I feel have been felt by women for ages, and it is comforting to read that I am not alone.
Here are some ideas that I like from these books:
Far from [Noah], I feel so lonely. I have to be close to God, or I can't do this. The important things are very clear, yet I can make myself deaf. Oh, God, let this not be wasted pain. Let this time work in me the work you intended. Let my baby not have died in vain.
God determined to take him to His home at the age of [8 days]; the means was incidental. [Noah's event in the womb], was incidental. It was one of many ways to die. If God is sovereign, these phrases are not merely fatalistic. They present actual reality. God counted the days of [Noah's] life - the hairs on his head. The breaths in his body. The number was finished. [Noah] lived 100% of his life. He was complete.
... death makes us assess the meaning and worth of life. Also helpful is the reminder that one hundred out of one hundred people die. 100%. If it happens to everyone, you are not being persecuted.
Job says to his wife, "Should we only accept good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?" We have an unspoken expectation that a good God will bring only what we consider to be good things into our lives. We never expect him to allow and perhaps even bring difficulty into our lives.
Have you ever noticed that people who suffer are marked with a beauty, a deepening, a transformation? This only occurs, however, when they can enter the suffereing and look around for God in the midst of it. Otherwise, they are marked with bitterness and emptiness.
God does not allow meaningless suffering. If God has allowed suffering into your life, it is for a purpose. A good purpose. A holy purpose.
We have to trust God with everything we have, to open ourselves and say, God it is all yours (my life, my children's lives) to do with as you will.
Maybe I should read more often?
posted by Julie @ 9:39 AM
8 comments
8 Comments:
wow, amazing. that you've read 5books that is. and your words of course. its nice to hear your hearts shadow sometimes. funny how those shadows only appear when there is light...
I have seen God through your words and thoughts this summer. I can attest to the fact that you are [indeed] allowing God to do with you as He will. Thanks for the example- Lee Anne
Julie - Being able to read how others work through struggling with the questions with no easy answers is extremely helpful. Thanks for adding your voice. You have something to say that many need to be able to read.
Rob & I just talked last night about how life is not easy. So many of our friends and family (and us, as well) are struggling right now, each with a different situation.
I appreciate all the things your shared from your readings.
We were particularly comforted last night reading about Peter walking on water. The storm was raging all around him, and yet he was able to walk. Then the Bible says, "he looked at the wind" and then he sank. It is so hard for me to not focus on the storm sometimes. I just need to focus on Him. And I love how the story goes on, "immediately Jesus reached out to him". His response is immediate. Thank you God.
Julie and Ethan, we continue to pray for your family.
Love from Louisiana,
lisa c
Dearest Julie and Ethan,
Am not sure what drew me here today (God, perhaps) although I still think and pray for all the Ellers and Whaleys these days. I've wondered how you are. Melissa does keep me posted when she hears from you. There aren't any new words to say that haven't been expressed a dozen times these past few months. Just know that we continue to hold you all up in prayer. We're all learning new lessons about God's awesome love and trying to understand "Good God" vs "Omnipotent God". Oh, the questions we want answers to!
Take one day at a time, Sweet, Julie and Ethan and hold that precious Allysa close to your hearts.
Still Praying for you in Oregon
Toni H.
Thank you for sharing those powerful thoughts...
I am only one example of Noah's life and your pain not being in vain. Before I heard about little Noah, I had experienced two consecutive miscarriages. The physical, emotional and spiritual pain of those losses sure did a number on me. I was about 8 weeks through pregnancy number 3 when I heard about your beautiful son...at which time, I was almost afraid to acknowledge this new blessing for fear that it would just be taken away like the others. I pulled away from God and was afraid to surrender my heart over to Him completely. There was so much fear in my heart and it was taking over. After reading your entries (I check in daily) I knew it was time to "come back". I began praying agian...not for me but for Noah and you and your family. After Noah's passing, I continued to pray for you and suddenly realized that you and Noah were "bringing me back". I received so much encouragement from your words, thoughts, quesitons, struggles...I felt free to trust and hope again.
My prayer is that this one story (I know there are countless others)will assure you during those difficult times when you wonder if Noah's passing was in vain. I can promise you that it was not.
My husband and I were driving to the beach this past week and we saw a double rainbow in the sky. I shared with him again the precious story of Noah and how much his life meant to me. Thank you for sharing his life with us!!
I am currently 6 months along and count every day a wonderful blessing. I am also praying for the faith needed to open myself up and say, "God it is all yours (my life, [my husband's life], my child's life) to do with it as you will."
Thank you again for sharing those powerful words!!
Prayers continue to be with you, Ethan, and Alyssa!
Jaime(Bond)Sanderson
Thank you for reminding me that Noah's life here was important and that he is remembered.
Wow, your thoughts are profound to me. Thank you for putting it so eloquently. I'm sorry for your loss. Blessings to you in the day, week, months and years ahead.
Found your blog through a link on another person's blog.
Heather in Allen, TX.
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